Lockdown 2021
Not really kept up with blogging much, never sure if people want to hear more from me.
Finally prompted to post, had enough of crap “Foodies” posting their studio perfect fantasy food porn pics that they spent half a day prepping so they can show the world what budding Robert Carrier style cooks they are.
Taste is what I’m after, that and a bit of chillage while I cook, maybe a few beers, maybe something else, pastis, maybe some knife play just sick of these squeaky clean cooking posters and while I am at it. the Jamie Oliver approach makes me puke too.
Don’t know what it is, finding it hard to pinpoint but this made for blogging food gonzo is just a pile of crap. What matters is “Do I like it?”, “Did I enjoy making it?” anything else is a bonus, if no-one likes it, well, that explains why you are never happy in a restaurant, it’s some other fuckers taste, how they think I should eat/,not what I want to eat.
Yes, it makes me fucking awkward, no, I don’t care, so don’t expect me to part with £20 for sausage and mash just because you called it a trio and bought a few decent sausages from your local butcher, you made it look pretty on a plate, you didn’t split the sausage. well, fuck me what else did you do for the rest of the money, it took you 30 minutes, top.
Don’t think I don’t understand overheads, but if the food works out the cheapest component after paying for the ambiance shit service etc, well it better impress.
Fish and chips for 15 quid sat in a pub then to find service charge tacked onto the bill for the 5 minutes it took to order? Then getting the peas in a thimble size ramekin? Having a laugh.
I am really looking forwards to eating out at some great places when lockdown ends, yes there are some absolute gems out there, I don’t mind driving 3 hours up the road for a visit to the Vine at West Bromwich because the place is just so damn good and nothing like I can buy locally, I have diverted from nowhere near it just to eat its “Clay Pot Chicken” or in-house barbecue, simple pre-brexit “Kip an t’spit” from the Koek-Koek Oostende or mussels just around the corner from Kombuis, then I come home to local pubs charging well North of 15 quid for sausage and mash ffs.
Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to open pubs again, Fish and chips in my local, The Angel , £6,, and a decent pint of Hophead rounding the bill off to a Tenner!
While reading this, you are probably thinking “BUT PUBS ARE SHUT< YOU KNOBWIT” yes, you are right, so what about lockdown cooking? My pet hate of 2020 became sourdough bread! I do actually like it, but the national collective jizz off about baking a bit of bread was completely out of proportion to the significance of a traditional fermented bread product, at the end of the day , you got bread, that was it, well risen or not, it was a one base ingredient product with millions of posted pictures looking as shitty and badly lit as amateur porn shots on the web, and just as missing the mark of gastronomic attractiveness as the readers wives page in the magazines beloved of schoolboys of years gone by.
Too many food posts camera ready for the vanity published soft foodporn, how to serve a poached egg pictures, nonce it up with some smashed avocado and claim its sexy because you added sourdough toast and some fucking bunny munch. Who the hell eats salad on their bloody breakfast, garnish on a full English? Even a parsley leaf - NO! Get in the sea and drown, you have corrupted the cholesterol tsunami of unhealthiness. It’s the same stable of warped bastard who puts baked beans in a bloody ramekin on the side.
It’s about time the truth was told,time for gonzo gastroporn, nothing wrong with a spam fritter, dirty chili french bread pizza topped with plastic cheese and pineapple, hell yes, sometimes you just need something dirty , gonzo nasty and admit you like it. Sourdough is so mainstream Daily Mail reading vanilla. Experiment, you might like it, no safeword required.
